director's cut: 첫사랑 <이브>

October 30, 2004

첫사랑 <이브>

윌리엄 해롤드 웡의 '나가' 이야기를 하다가 떠올리게 된 10년 전 <이브>에 관한 이야기-
내친 김에, 정글의 디렉터스 컷에 연재하였던 굴을 이 곳에 다시 정리해 두고자 한다...

93년 겨울, 햇수로 13년의 미국생활을 접고 이 땅에 돌아왔다.
아쉬운대로 살림을 풀어 놓을 집을 구하고 나니 새해가 되었고, 첫 출근을 하니 텅빈
사무실에 놓인 유일한 책상이 바로 내 것이었다. 편집기자와 디자이너를 뽑고 책상 및
의자 등의 배치를 연구하여 가구를 주문하는 일부터 잡지의 컨셉짜기에서부터 이름
정하기, 로고 등을 디자인하는 일까지 모두가 내 일이었다. 이름하여 편집장 겸
아트디렉터, 이 땅의 잡지판에 희귀한 타이틀 하나가 새로 탄생하는 순간이었다.

무어라 설명할 수 있을까. 내 머리 속에 그린 잡지의 그림은 매월 모습을 달리하며
스스로의 깊숙한 내면의 모습을 탐구해가는 '여자'의 형상을 띄고 있다 말하면
틀리지 않을 것이다. 신이 창조하신 가장 원초적 '여성'으로서의 이브, 귀엽고
사랑스러운 '연인'으로서의 이브, 위대한 모성애를 지닌 '어머니'로서의 이브, 아담의
갈비뼈를 박차고 나와 스스로의 운명을 개척해나가기 위해 도전하는 '나'로서의 이브,
세상사람들의 손가락질을 받더라도 내면의 모습을 과감히 드러내놓고 스스로의
본질을 인정해 나가는 '악녀'로서의 이브... 한 사람 한 사람의 '여성'으로서의, 혹은
한 여성의 다양한 내면으로서의 모습들이 바로 한 권 한 권을 이끌어 갈 책의
컨셉으로서의 내가 생각하는 기획안이었다.

말하자면 우리는 매월 한 권의 책이라기 보다는 한 사람의 독특한 개성을 지닌
여성을 탄생시키기 위해 모인 태스크 포스(task force) 팀이었다. 성격을 규정하고
생김새를 정해가며 그녀의 얼굴과 몸을 만들어 갔고, 그녀는 무엇을 생각하고
느끼는가를 탐구해가며 그녀의 가슴과 머리를 만들어 냈다. 그녀가 세상을 바라보는
시각은 그 달 내내 우리 모두의 세상을 들여다 보는 안경이 되어주었고, 그 안경을
통해 보여지는 모든 것은 그 달 내내 책 한 권을 묶어 내기 위한 우리 모두의
몸살거리가 되어 주었다.

그녀의 삶의 스타일은? 그녀의 직업은? 결혼이나 인생관은? 그녀가 꿈꾸는
이상형의 남자는? 그녀는 무엇을 위해 사나? 그녀는 어디를 향해 흘러가고 있나...
우리는 매달 모습을 바꾸어 가며 몸소 '그녀'가 되어 스스로의 삶을 계획하고
미래를 위해 도전하며 이상형의 남자를 꿈꾸며 결혼과 인생을 고민하였다.
몸소 '그녀'가 된 우리가 생활 속에 탐구하고 실험하는 모든 것- 심지어는 좋아하는
음악과 영화, 책, 자주가는 음식점까지, '그녀'에 관한 이 모든 것들이 바로 그 달
그 달 잡지의 표지와 특집을 결정하고 '그녀'와 닮은 이 땅의 모든 이브들과
공감대를 이루기 위한 즐거운 정보거리가 되어 주었다.

우리가 <이브>를 통해 하고 싶었던 일은 90년대판 여성해방운동과 같은 것이었는
지도 모른다. 천편일률적인 '아름다움'의 굴레로부터 그녀들을 해방시켜주고 싶었고
'여성' 그 자체가 지닌 본질에 대해 보다 자유롭게 인식하고 표현할 수 있는 통로를
마련해주고 싶었다. 꾸미거나 가리는 것이 아닌, 피하거나 대들지 않아도 좋은, 있는
그대로의 자신의 모습에 편안함과 자신감을 더해주고 싶었던 거라 생각한다.

보다 자유로운 표현의 코드를 도입시키기 위해 사진, 일러스트, 만화, 컴퓨터그래픽
이미지 등 다양한 장르의 작가들이 발을 디딜 수 있는 지면을 잡지 안에 할애하였고,
이때 <이브>를 통해 대중을 향한 자신의 무대를 처음 열게된 이들이 바로 도날드 닭의
작가 이우일, 신뽀리의 작가 박광수, 영화를 흉내낸 컴퓨터그래픽 이미지들에
몰두하던 지금의 CF감독 박명천 등이다. 특집의 타이틀에서부터 본문 컬럼에
이르기까지 섬세한 감성의 글솜씨로 독자의 마음을 흔들며 '수석기자'의 역할을
빈틈없이 해내던 이가 바로 지금의 월간지 의 편집장 황경신이었던 것도
우연한 일은 아니었을 것이다. 아직 아무 것도 손에 잡히는 게 없던 시절, 그들의
열정은 <이브>를 함께 키워나가기에 실로 부족함이 없었다.

그러나, 아마도 최소 전화번호부 두께로 매달 끝임없는 가십거리를 제공해대는
기존의 여성지 시장에 절제된 두께의 날렵한 여성지 한 권을 등장시키는 일은
애초부터 대단한 모험이었을 것이다. 남의 이야기보다 스스로의 내면에 귀를
기울일 수 있는 이야기를 끌어내는 일은 아마도 지금으로부터 10년 전의
여성들에게는 매우 생소하고 낯선 일이었을지도 모른다. 대등소이한 내용의
몸체에 매월 표지얼굴만이 바뀌는 잡지가 아닌, 매월 새로운 모습의 여성으로
몸과 마음을 갖추어 탄생하리라는 기대는 너무도 이상적인 나머지 모두에게
이율배반을 범했을런지도 모른다. 게다가, 발행부수 15만에 페이지당 광고단가
400만원이라는 당시 우리의 현실적 목적(혹은, 가정)은 평균발행부수 5만에
페이지당 광고비가 150만원을 넘기기 어려운 시절 자만을 넘어 오만에
육박했던 일이었는지도 모른다.

그건, '꿈'이라 칭하는 것이 옳았을지도 모르겠다. 꿈은 꿈을 부르고 꿈꾸는 자는
꿈에서 깨어나기를 원치 않는 법인지... 우리는 그것을 '꿈'이라 하였고 꿈꾸는
자에게는 아무런 죄목을 부여하지 않았다. 우리의 발은 현실을 딛고 있으면서
우리의 시선은 모두 지평선 너머 무지개가 뜰 법한 쪽을 향해 시선을 맞춘 채
우리는 스스로를 최면에 걸고 서로를 깊이 최면에 빠뜨려 갔다. 이루어질 수 없는
사랑을 서서히 깨달으면서도 그 사실을 인정하기보다는 서로를 부둥켜 안고
꿈속 나락으로 깊이 깊이 추락하는 비운의 연인처럼. 하지만 어떠랴.
사랑한다면, 함께 꿈꿀 수만 있다면...

94년 겨울. 나와 <이브>와의 인연은 일 년만에 짧고 격렬하게 끝이 났다.
현실과 이상과의 갭을 끝내 메꾸지 못했던 우리는 재정난에 몰리게 되었고,
시대를 새롭게 이끌 수 있는 잡지를 만들리라 다짐하였던 원대한 꿈은
어느새 '판매부수'에 가슴 졸이며 이 사람 저사람의 의견에 얄팍한 귀로
부화뇌동을 일삼는 형국이 되고 말았던 것이다.
부하들을 모두 적진에 포진시켜둔 채 홀로 등돌려 떠나와야 하는 대장의 심정이
그와 같을까. 첫사랑 여인의 행복을 위해 돌아서야 하는 사나이 가슴이 그와
같을까. 무언가를 대신 책임질 수 있는 길이 있기를 바라며 나는 이루어질 수
없는 첫사랑을 보내듯 <이브>를 그렇게 보내야 했다. 중독성이 강한 열병을 치루듯
내 인생 그 어느 때보다도 격렬했던 어느 한 해의 삶으로 오래도록 벗어날 수 없는
후유증을 남긴 채. 그후로 여러차례 잡지를 만들자는 제안을 받았으나 한번도
관심을 가져본 적은 없었다. 그것을 집착이라 할지 강박관념이라 할 지는 알 수 없다.
혹은, 내 인생 단 한번의 잡지, 처음이자 마지막인 잡지로서의 <이브>에 대한
의리나 자존심 같은 것이었는지도 모르겠다.

그때로부터 꼭 10년이 지난 지금에도 나는 가끔씩 그때의 <이브>를 화제에
올리는 사람들을 만나게 된다. 언젠가 카페에서 우연히 훔쳐들은 옆자리에 앉은
사람들의 대화 속에서 심장이 멎을 듯한 놀라움으로 맞닥뜨린 <이브>, 그때의
책들을 한 권도 빠짐없이 모두 책꽂이에 소장하여 두고 있다는 사람들의 가슴 속에서
만나는 <이브>, 당시의 획기적이며 신선했던 편집을 떠올리며 아직도 가끔씩 꺼내
읽어본다는 사람들의 반짝이는 눈동자 속에서 만나는 <이브>... 도대체 이 사람들은
어떻게 된 사람들인가. 코드명 <이브>를 알고 있는 사람들, 어느 사이엔가 그 자신이
소멸하지 않는 영원한 <이브>로 존재하게 된 사람들. 이들을 도대체 무어라 불러야
하는 걸까... 이들은 알기나 하는 걸까. 그 특별한 '이'와 '브'가 조합되어 누군가에
의해 발음되어지는 그 자체만으로도 그것은 충격이 강한 망치질이 되어 긴 세월이
지난 후에도 날 잊지 못하고 있다는 첫사랑의 소식을 전해듣듯 가슴을 덜컥거리게
한다는 사실을...

<이브>에 대해서는 아직도 길고 긴 얘기를 모두 늘어놓고 싶지 않다. 첫사랑의 추억이
그러하듯 꺼낼 수 있는 말보다는가슴 속에 묻어 두고픈 말이 더 많기 때문일 것이다.
세월이 한 10년쯤 지나다 보니, 가을이고 9월이 다 지나다 보니, 괜한 상념이 넘고
쳐지는 신파극을 벌여 이렇듯 옛사랑 운운하는 일이 다 생기기도 하나 보다.

발행처_ 디자인하우스
편집장 겸 아트디렉터_ 이나미
포토디렉터_김영일
편집기자_황경신, 최경희, 김은령, 여문주, 한신정, 이동훈
디자이너_김용덕, 김경희, 김수명
사진기자_ 박소영
1994

Posted by dreaming at October 30, 2004 03:44 PM

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Comments

안녕하세요?
이나미 부장님.
처음 이 블로그의 문을 여셨다고 메일을 주셨을 때부터 종종 들러 부장님의 생활을 '엿보고' 있었습니다. 오늘은 저도 친숙한 '이브'에 대한 글이 올랐길래, 이렇게 한 마디 끄적이게 되네요.
저도 한참을 잡지쟁이로 있어서 그런지, 이나미 부장님의 글이 구절 구절 가슴에 다가옵니다.
회사에서 간혹 마주칠 때마다 환한 미소로 답해주시던 부장님 모습은 지금도 눈 앞에 생생해요.
아직도 제게는 '이브'의 부장님으로 기억되어서
그런지, '이나미 부장님'이라는 호칭이
제일 친근하기도 하구요.
전천후 아티스트로서 활약하는 부장님의 지금 모습도 멋지지만, 10년 전 '이브'라는 도발적 잡지를 가지고 나타난 젊고 신선한 편집장으로서의
당당한 모습은 제게 영원히 잊혀지지 않을 것 같아요.

Posted by: 김보영 at November 1, 2004 01:03 PM

아.. 보영씨.
추억을 함께 나눌 수 있는 사람이 있다는 것은
인생의 큰 선물 중의 하나라는 생각이 듭니다.
다시 10년이 지나도 여전히 그 때의 기억을 함께 나눌 수 있기를 바랍니다.
늘 건강하시길..

Posted by: dreaming at November 2, 2004 11:16 AM

이 잡지 생각나네여~
제가 한참 창간호를 열심히 모으던 시절 한 자리를 차지했던 그 잡지네여~
사실 당시에는 잡지를 바라보는 시각이 좀 편협되었던것도 사실이지만~
신선했던 기억이 있는 그런 표지네여~
그게 dreaming님의 잡지였을 줄이야....
^^

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